Shooting today like there’s no tomorrow. I hope my work can help someone, or stop others being hurt.
Its true what they say, you just don’t know what’s around the corner. I think my life experience just tops them all. I regarded my self as a sensible coherent young man who would live a long happy and fulfilling life. I am now 43 years old, and yet I don’t know if I will live to be 44, or even next week anymore.
I know, they say, who knows, I might get hit by a bus, I might die a number of different ways, I might slip and break my neck. But I figured I would be able to survive all of these calamity’s and live a healthy long life. I just didn’t expect to happen to me what happened. I would never of guessed it in a million years. It is such a rare event to happen most people would find it hard to comprehend.
I always wondered why I was struggling with certain individuals whilst on my BA. This certain individual made sure he was there on my MA as well.
A poem I have wrote basically sums it up.
5 years old, Safe, a dream.
Happiest with my Nan,
My best friend, my mum.
This dream, so strong,
Just can't be wrong.
It couldn't be ignored,
Started me on a photography course...
Not Sure? Only good will, arise.
Positive thoughts in my mind's eye.
Let's go somewhere,change things,
I can help, don't you know?
Oh how I was wrong...
Instead I met Crow.
Its hard to talk about considering the circumstances.
I hope I have enough time to look after my family and keep them safe make them as happy as possible. I also want to continue my love for photography, poetry and writing. Finishing my work.
Its took me 12 months of sheer PTSD shock and hell coming to terms with what’s happened. The whys and how’s etc. Good luck to the guy that’s hurt me, you know who you are. But, please don’t make any more mistakes and target any good people like you have me. It’s completely wrong. Its easier to think badly of someone and believe it when you are somehow obsessed for whatever reason. You will never admit your wrongdoing, you will never confess to what you have done due to your own misinterpretations. I think deep down you will find what you have wanted to destroy lurks inside your own mind somewhere truthfully. You have become what you set out to destroy.
Anyway. I figured if I’m going to die I have to make the most of things and get my priority’s in order. But what I really want to complete is a project on death. This project will be done by myself. The man who has seen a black star. I know now know my own fate. Death through the eyes of a dieing person.
I’ve seen some strange unexplainable photographs alongside some excellent peices in my life which I hope to grow into an understandable body of work shedding light on these areas which people find hard to understand.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky, now there’s a great man with some excellent work, and whilst speaking of fyodor, what about people who think they have more rights than others. Trusted people in society who think they are right in doing wrong, but the wrong they sought didn’t even exist. People who think they have a right to ruin other people’s life’s, to hurt others. You know who you are If your reading this. You are a sad reflection on our society, although what you are doing I actually stand by you in certain ways. But not when you are hurting innocents due to your own mistakes. That is terrible and I don’t actually blame you I blame the people who have hurt you.
I will use this space as a daily reminder to tell my story, grow my work and photograph with love and compassion all what I am passionate about and to empower as many other photographers and individuals as I can.
Who knows, if I’m lucky to make it to an older age — perhaps I can look back at these old photos and smile. Maybe the horrible know it all who has interfered in my life and ruined it can take a step back and realise how wrong they were and make amends.